Oracles Pay Taxes, Get a BIG Refund

Cut to Sportscenter set. Stu Scott and Chris Berman are standing around a TV monitor

Scott: I’m telling ya, Chris, she’s the complete package. She pitches, she hits, she fields. Look at that catch, look at that catch! Booyah!
Berman: I hear you, Stu, I hear you. Look how she holds that bat, it’s like she’s trying to convince the pitcher she’s never played before. But then … here it comes … bam! She connects! She … could … go … all … the … way … to first base! The Swami has never seen such a fine RBI single.
Scott: Shhh, she’s pitching now. Here’s the windup, and the lob! Look at that ball float through the air. I haven’t seen a lob pitch that beautiful since Henry Rowengartner floated one by Butch Heddo in “Rookie of the Year”.
Berman: Stu, that was a movie.
Scott: Well, this, Chris, is real life! That Lucinda sure is the whole tamale!

Oracles, it has been a long time since this blog has so urgently felt the need to trumpet the skills and greatness (or lack thereof) of the Oracles, but today is such a day. From Lucinda’s starring turns at the plate, on the mound, and in the field, to Nelson’s play-by-play reenactment of the children’s classic “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”, last night’s battle against Colvin’s Tax Court Cannons, won in the bottom of the 7th inning on a 2-run RBI single by Brian “Being Manny Does Not Include Steroids” Wagner, deserves to be commemorated in a blog!

Yesterday, the Field of Dreams served as the courtroom where the Oracles defended their awesomeness against the plainly petty plaintiffs, Colvin’s Cannons, emerging from the 7th inning with a hard-fought 12-11 victory. The MVP of the game, without a doubt, was Lucinda, with a stat line that read: 5 IP, 2 RBIs, and one awesome catch while playing 2B. Plus, there are the intangibles of greatness, like having the other team anoint you as (and beg you to be) their pitcher of choice while tall, manly men struggle to find the plate when pitching in your stead. Lucinda, we salute you.

After jumping to an early 4-run lead in the first, the Oracles fell behind due to a witch’s curse which apparently centered on Nelson. How else does one explain the Cannon’s 2-out rally that led to 5 runs in the second inning? Or Nelson’s apparent inability to catch or hit a softball?

After three innings, the Oracles were down 9-5, with a rather bleak future ahead. The bats weren’t connecting and the gloves weren’t catching. If that wasn’t enough, Brian had to go and hit a tax judge in the back of the head with a throw to third. Oops. As several players commented later, it might be good to avoid tax court for a few years.

But just when all seemed bleak and Nelson’s curse appeared unquenchable in its thirst for disaster, the Oracles’ white knight, Tim “Botox isn’t just for women” O’Neill, wandered in with a recipe for success, and suddenly, with chants of “singles score a run” echoing in their heads like so many buzzing bees, the Oracles, like Stella, found their groove.

As the innings ticked by, a battle waged, with the Oracles slowly making up ground. 9-5 became 9-7. 9-7 became 11-7. 11-7 became 11-9. And it all came down to the bottom of the 7th, with the heart of the Oracles lineup trooping to the plate. With runners on 2nd and 3rd, the score now 11-10, and with one out, Brian stepped to the plate, knocked a pitch right into the 2nd baseman’s stomach on a nasty hop (sorry!), and watched as not one, but two runners scored on a wild throw. Oracles win, Oracles win!

And that folks is how Lucinda, Nelson, and the rest of the Oracles got their groove back.

Kudos to: Brianne, for stellar defensive plays; Alex, for hitting the requisite home run; and Nelson, for being such a good sport on his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Special thanks and welcome to: Katie C, Katie T, Allen, and Michael, all who are invited to rejoin the Oracles any time.