Oracles Scrape the Rust off Their Hybrid Bats, Reduce Oil Barons’ Market Share

Was it William Shakespeare who said that succinctness was the sign of a great man? I hope so, because this recap is going to be shorter than Tim’s attention span when he doesn’t have a beer in his hand. Oracles win 6-4, beating the Oil Barons. The end.



Just kidding, we have more than that. In the first game of the year (the first attempt at the first game was foiled by Mother Nature last week), the Oracles hit almost nothing but singles because, honestly, they couldn’t hit anything out of the infield on a day when the rust from a 9-month hiatus was clearly visible. Beyond a heroic home run by Brian “Being Manny” Wagner and an almost-heroic home run by Britt “Cleat-less Joe Jackson” McEachern, the Oracles legged out infield dribblers and took advantage of fielding errors to rack up an early six runs and then hold on to limit the Oil Barons’ attempts to exploit the masses, increase oil prices, and score more runs.

The Oracles started off the season by picking right back up in at least one area – showing up late for the game. By the proposed start time of 6:30 pm, beer was still missing, and a half-dozen players had yet to show up. But what do you expect? The Oracles don’t practice, they make up their fielding lineup each inning from scratch, and the NEVER start a game on time.

Kudos to Mike “Dracula” Pierce and Brianne “She-Dracula” Nadeau for contributing to the team despite having lost pints of blood somewhere on the way to the field. The Red Cross thanks you for your donation, and would like to know if you are available next Thursday as well.

Kudos to the Oil Barons, a first-year team that played hard and had fun. We look forward to thwarting their global fossil fuel conspiracy again next year.

Kudos also to Alex’s friend Dahlia (sp?) who couldn’t find her own team so she joined ours. We would love for her own team to disappear in the future so we can have her join us again!

And last but not least, kudos to all the Oracles who showed up to help get this season starting on the right foot: Brianne, Brian, Adam, Mike, Ian, Amy, Molly, Martin, Roy, Nelson, Lucinda, John, Sean, Britt, Tim, Alex and Dana. And thanks to those who came out to cheer us on: Henry, Stella, Martina, etc.

The Oracles’ blogging skills are a bit rusty after a long hiatus, so look for even more hilarity, wisdom, and insight to be provided in future Friday posts.

Next Week: The Oracles take on team Boxer on the Mall. We are the home team, so we will need someone to stake out a field position early!