Oracles Return from 4th of July; Bleed Red, White, and Blue

It's amazing how a recap can be delayed when one has to be at work before 8 am (insert your own sympathetic sounds here).

Coming off a two-week absence from the Field of Dreams (now complete with longer grass and locked gates!), the Oracles reverted to their traditional pre-game rituals, including showing up at our own field much later than the opposing team, refusing to warm-up, and exercising our bellies by imbibing obligatory pre-game, all-American brewskis, courtesy of Nelson "My first name spells America and I wear red shoes like Dorothy" Freeman. He's the first redneck metrosexual.

We knew the game was going to be interesting when we got our first glimpses of the other team. The older man with the beard, wearing plaid and smoking a cigarette; the tall, skinny guy walking around barefoot in the shortest shorts that are legal under DC law (though that law may be struck down by the Supreme Court next); and the guy playing in khakis he had rolled up into awkward-looking shorts. It was a motley crew, but as a motley crew ourselves, we knew that singles, not devastatingly handsome men like John "Chase, I am your father [in left field]" Florio, scored runs. So we smashed our beer cans against our heads, let out a few choice belches and burps, and took the field.

I haven't seen the scorecard, so my ability to recap the game is a bit, umm, abridged. Needless to say, we followed the general rules of Oracle softball and sucked in the first inning. Thankfully, our opponents, whose name I never figured out, weren't doing much better. An inning or two later, though, the Oracles served up their famous inning-long ass-whooping, racking up 10 runs. You could just see the cash register in Tim "Can I interest you in disability ... watch out for that car! ... insurance" O'Neill's eyes marking up "Run" over and over as the Oracles set what may have been a team record for singles in an inning.

The rest of the game was a muddle, with the Oracles chalking up another five runs or so, and the whats-their-names relying on their big men to score a total of 9 runs, while their women proved almost laughably ineffective. If there is one facet of the Oracles that cannot be underrated, it is the value of having a lineup, both men and women, who bring their "y'all" to the game. None of this sissy "I'm a woman and I shouldn't be expected to have upper body strength" crap. The other team's men would rack up a few runs, then their girls would come up and often turn into three quick outs, with a few swinging strikeouts thrown in for good measure. Now compare that to the Oracles, where girls and guys were relatively mixed in the lineup, and there was never an inning where the Oracles would send up three non-hitters in a row as sacrificial lambs. That's smart softball, folks.

In the end, despite a stressful period at the end where the other team suddenly started taking steroids ("cream and the clear? nooo, this is Neosporin!") and cleared the fence several times, the Oracles early 10-run outburst served us in good stead, and we rode our bats to victory in a full 7 innings. Oracles win 15-9.

Congrats Oracles, after a brief set back two weeks ago, we are now 7-3 and ranked #15 in the league. Let's keep up the good work!

Welcome Back: To Florio and Tim "Safari Hunter" O'Neill, who made significant contributions to the team. Florio, you'd better keep coming back, at least for as long as Chase "Two left feet, and they are both broken" Groseclose is hobbling around like an old man.

Welcome (at least for one game): To Susan, who looked, hit, ran, and otherwise played like Amy. It's almost like Amy cloned herself ...

Props: To Chase, for even showing up after nearly killing himself in a game of pickup basketball. We love you man. Now quit all non-softball-related sports. We need you.

Wowza: To team turnout. It was like a flash mob; one minute, Florio, Dana, Chase and I were sitting around playing Chutes and Ladders, the next minute, 12 more teammates had popped out of nowhere.

Your Softball Moment of Zen: http://youtube.com/watch?v=W0e7ddfM6uk&feature=related