This will be a brief recap this week, because I’m a busy man doing busy things. I swear.
Regardless of when you claim the game ended (7, 8, 9 innings?) the Oracles won in smashing fashion. The official state line read something like Chase 5 - DNC 1. Or at least it seemed that way, as Chase “Showboating like a luxury yacht” Groseclose followed the invaluable advice of Patches O’Houlihan: “Dodge, dip, duck, dive and dodge”. Somehow, all that dodging led to Sportscenter Web Gems-worthy catches and one towering home run. You have not seen someone take softball too seriously until you’ve seen Chase dive into foul territory in the first inning. The DNC at that point said “fuck it” and mailed in the rest of their game.
But before we lionize only Chase, it is important to note how unusual the game was:
1. The Oracles took the lead in the first inning
2. The Oracles weren’t losing after the first inning
3. How much clearer can I make this: the Oracles TOOK THE LEAD FOR GOOD at the BEGINNING OF THE GAME
4. Nelson “Dude, why didn’t you click my link” Freeman didn’t wear boat shoes
5. Dana didn’t lose a beer on the mound
6. Neither team scored in the double digits
7. Brianne “Oops, I fell over something. Oops, I fell over something. Oops, I fell over for no reason” Nadeau finally broke the sound barrier, sprinting like a pack of vicious chihuahuas were nipping at her heels … to the bathroom
8. Dana “Chimney” MacDonald pitched all seven innings without her alter ego Lucinda
9. The game ended because we won, not because of darkness
But then again, not everything changed.
1. Brianne fell over
2. Christy “You guys are way more fun, cool, and sexy than my boring work team” Weisner made awkward comments about immigrants … while talking about how she made awkward comments about immigrants last year
3. Amy “Dirt Devil” Gibson Grant turned 2nd base into a black hole for opposing hitters, while Delicia "Opera isn't torture" Reynolds guarded the 3rd base line with a fervor generally reserved for her love (of her job) life.
4. Brian “Do as I say, not as I do” Wagner forgot to cover 2nd base after lecturing everyone on covering their bases
5. Sam “Don’t Rush Me” Simon took a leisurely stroll around the fence while the team waited for him to complete the outfield lineup
6. The West “In-bred” Virginians didn’t show up
7. Roy “Yes, I’m married. I’ve told you before” Chrobocinski continued to make the team look competent at 1st base.
Congratulations, Oracles. You are now 6-2 for the season and RANKED 7TH! As a special treat, please see the following link from last year where another team brags about defeating the Oracles … not much bragging going on in Two Zero Zero Eight.
The Hitmen (May 24, 2007) http://www.hitmensoftball.org/?p=23 (and holy shit, they have videos posted. That is a serious effort. You can even see Tim in the video “close at 3rd”
Let’s just hope the DNC learns how to handle their bats and gloves before November; the RNC isn’t just going to roll over and die on the field or at the polls.
One final note: Later in the evening at Pour House, who did I run across but our favorite drunken West Virginians, Miranda and Andrew. Andrew was lying on the couch with his arm around a foxy lady, while Miranda was running around slapping people on the ass. They just need to ask themselves ... is that really better than softball?
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2 comments:
1. That was the most ridiculous "field" we played on. Seriously we all left with tic bites afterward. I can't believe they used that clip as bragging rights.
2. It's not my fault that the squatters who climbed under a fence to play soccer in the outfield in the middle of the game (with small children!!) happened to be immigrants who cursed at me in their native language. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe they deserved ICE.
I think we've dropped to 8th, now but whatever.
You can also see Christy and Lucinda in that video, if you can possibly avert your eyes from the blinding white beer belly in the middle of the screen.
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