Continuing their penchant for close finishes, the Oracles knocked off the Champs (better change that name, guys) 19-17 in a five-inning slugfest. To the surprise of no one, this week's game played out like every other game this season: bats exploding in the air, and gloves fumbling on the ground. Standing on the precipice of extremism, Andrew "Jekyll and Hyde" Stasiowski enjoyed the best of times, and the worst of times. On a night when his sterling field skills were tarnished and his throws wilder than bingo night at the senior center, he dug deep and became a beast at the plate, sending balls rocketing into the outfield with a precision and repetition that was breathtaking (as opposed to Nelson's at-bats, which just left him breathless from running a few feet).
Armed with a ridiculous amount of beer, the whole team contributed to the effort, as Christy "Anything you can do I can do better" Weisner broke out of her slump to hit a round-tripper that had the law school intramural softball scouts furiously scribbling in their notebooks. The other ladies of the Oracles (Amy "Ichiro" Gibson-Grant, Brianne "Thank God Christy is here" Nadeau, Mary Beth "Christy asked me if I was any good, and I said I was OK. She told me I could be keep score. I'm not bitter" Houlihan, Dana "Do you like my necklace? I can't get it off for the game" MacDonald and Molly "What do you mean my dog can't play in the outfield. FUCK YOU cat lover!" Simmons) displayed an astonishing gusto for legging out infield hits for singles, and occasionally stretching out for a double.
While the game could in no way be called a pitcher's duel -- that would require five innings to pass without 36 runs being scored -- the pitchers certainly had it out for each other. Dana "You call that pitching?" MacDonald got into a hissy fit with the other team's pitcher, known only by the sobriquet of "The Kid". We all hoped that she would beat the living daylights out of the upstart with the Elvis sunglasses, but Dana, in all her aged wisdom, realized that violence was not the answer, and that victory would be so much sweeter if she wasn't being hauled off by police for assault with intent to seriously injure.
Keep up the good work Oracles.
Looking forward: June 12, the Oracles and Julio head back the schoolyard. No more fighting for a slice of field; soon we'll be basking in our own dugout with our own manicured diamond.
Eagerly anticipating: A day in the future when Tim, thanks to the use of Botox in areas other than his face (why mess with that smile?) swings softly at the ball with one hand on the bat (and taps it backwards for a foul, of course), then, with a wicked grin, slowly adds his second hand to the bat, shifts his stance, and cracks a home run. Yet, still has someone run for him.
Props to: Everyone. This was one hell of a team effort. Now let's just learn how to field.
Welcome to: Nelson's friend Chase. He doesn't have a nickname yet, or a hit. Which is a good reason for him to come back next week.
Welcome back to: Jason "I'm going to meet Cal Ripken Jr. so watch me belt two massive home runs. What steroids?" Gleason
What the fudge? to: Christy "Guys, the sun is setting somewhere in the world right now, and so we should probably call the game in anticipation of it getting dark at some point in the future -- because, well, the earth rotates around the sun, meaning that dark follows light -- so lets quit now just to be safe" Weisner
And here it is, a moment of zen for America and the Oracles ... fuck yeah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq2_YKQGE_U
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Special thanks to Amy and Dana for teaching me what it means to bat "cleanup" and that the winning score goes first when you're reporting on the score. I repeat: Thank GOD Christy is back.
Wagner, while I'm pretty sure they pay you to do nothing at work, it seems to be working out well for the Oracles. Once again, an excellent update.
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